I'm Back - Not in a Box!

Hello out there.  I know it has been a long time since I last wrote but I have so much to tell you.  Last we spoke, I was facing treatments and it has been a long, long battle but I survived and here I am.  That kind of explains the title.  The entire time I was on treatment I kept thinking, "I am getting out of this in a box or a boat".  Well, as it turns out I am not in a box and evidently God listened to my prayers cause my circumstances are such that I have to find a new place to live so to make a long story short, for now, I am looking for a boat.  I plan on blogging my way through this adventure complete with pictures.  Stand by my friends cause there will be much more to come.

Obstacles

When I was in college, my Humanities Professor was as close to a mentor as I have ever had, outside of my father. My mentors’ mentor was Loren Eisley, a poet and naturalist that lived in the first half of the 20th century. One of the essays that Eisley is famous for is ‘The Long Loneliness’. I have never truly appreciated his point of view in that essay until now.

According to Eisley, everyone lives their entire lives alone. You may think that you have friends, are truly interacting with and influencing others but in actuality you are just all alone in your head. What reality is for you may be a totally different animal for someone else. Thus, you may think that you are ‘sharing’ your sorrows or your challenges with someone, when, in reality, you are just living your life alone in your mind.

I must remember this when I am going through the obstacles that lie in my path. I am the only one who can overcome them and I am the only one that is truly affected by them. Any help or ‘sympathy’ or ‘empathy’ I may receive is just an illusion. Only I can win my battles. Any thoughts to the contrary will only weaken my fight. I am the one that I must rely on. Me and my God. All else will fail me.

I wish only to keep this knowledge close to my breast cause in this will come my strength.

Poem of Life

My life is as one flowing stream
To find the delta of my dream.

I bob and ebb along the flow
sometime quick and sometimes slow

I know not what's around each bend
be it foe or be it friend.

Currents rip and waves shall break
But never more than I can take.

Infrequent pools lie blue and deep
There to rest but not to sleep.

Sleep will come at the end of the day
when I know I have found my way.

My life is as one flowing stream
To find the delta of my dream.

Thoughts from an Old Soul

I have started writing again.  Here is my latest:


The road untraveled, the song unsung,
Rest at the apex of each day begun.

The potential lies within our reach,
The lessons there, to learn or teach.

But each of us are guilty yet,
of passing on or collecting debt.

Our actions we choose to do or not,
are battles won, not battles fought.

Our lives are but one long debate,
To give our love or fall to hate.

All this I know is all too true,
for you are me, and I am you.

Leslie R Andrews

What's up with AARP

OK.  Just a quick post before I forget.  What the heck is up with AARP.  They have been sending me info since I turned 49.  The eligible age is 55.  Are you THAT hard up for members?  If so.  I can tell you why.  AARP stand for American Association of Retired Persons.  Really?  Retired?   Who do you know that has been able to retire at age 55.  If they want new members, that should rename the organization. the AAOPHWTTD or The AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF PEOPLE WHO WORK TIL THEY DIE.  Now THAT group, I may join. 

AARP. Save the postage. 

Til next time.
L

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

(I picked this title after I wrote this piece.  I love that song! Just downloaded it too!)

Ever wonder how Edison had the time to apply for 1093 successful patents?  Or Da Vinci to be such a prolific painter, sulptor with thousands of journals accredited to him???  I'll tell you how.  NO CABLE TV!!

That right.  Without 708 channels (including pay per view and sports) they actually had  (I should say GOT) to LIVE THEIR LIFE. 

I guess you may be wondering what brought this on??  I have so many ideas and very little time.  (BACKGROUND.......  I am not supposed to be here.  I had an expiration date that passed about 6 years ago so I am feeling a little pressured to get done what I had in mind when I was young. )

Anyway, since evidently, I am not going to be a rock star, (think they have a max age limit on American Idol) and not an international sex symbol  (lol) or a nobel prize winning physisist.  (Pretty sure you have to be able to spell =physisist= to win the prize), I need to get busy on what I can realistically take on and finish.. 

I do have some ideas.  Most have to do with my photography.  (If I ever sell anything then I can die happy. ) (Just kidding God). 

Anyway,  I have several ideas of a series of photographs that I want to compile.  One is :"Death of Dixie".  This is (or will be) a pictorial of the slow decline of a way of life.  (If I had ever gone for my Masters, which I am pretty sure you have to have a Bacholors before you do that) I would have done my Thesis on how Air Conditioning ruined the Southern Way of Life.  (That is a subject for an entire other posting I will save for lalter.)

Another is "Love in the Low Country.  This is a collection of pictures of kisses.  Young lovers, old couples, mother and child, man and puppy, you know.  Just the "feel so good that you can't help but smile" moments.

I remember that once I told my first Ex Husband. (Just kidding.  Not about the Ex but the first) I wanted to be remembered.  I meant in the "listed in the history books, made a huge difference, saved mankind" kind of way.  He told me I wanted too much.  Boy, that pissed me off!!  Now I have to admit that he may have not been entirely wrong.  Not that he was RIGHT!!.  No.  Just not wrong. 

I do beleive that I have run out of time.  As much as I don't like to admit it, I may just vanish like I never was.  I think all I can hope for now is that somewhere down the line, my decendants will do something remarkable.

 Everyone wants to make a difference.  But you never know.  Maybe I already have.  Maybe my life touched someone in a way that changed the world.  Each one of us touches so many lives and we never know the efect we have.  I am sure that the young boy that was my first kiss doesn't know that I think of him everytime I here "Doctor My Eyes" or that my Grandmother, when she was still living, knew that when I smell country ham I think of Christmastime at her house.  Or that my parents know that when I hear Amazing Grace, I think of the day I was saved at age 8 and they were there with me and what they mean to me.

I need to remember that even if I never do another worthwhile act in my life, I have touched someone.  You need to remember it too!!

Til Next Time

L

My Website

OK, Just quick post since I am hard at work doing absolutely nothing.  I LOVE Saturdays.  You know what the best thing is about a Saturday?????  Tomorrow is not Monday!!

Anyway, really stoked.  My website passed 1000 page hits today.  Yippee!!!!

Now, IF SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY BUY SOMETHING THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!

Enjoy the day that is not the day before Monday!!!!!

Karma Continued

OK  For those of you who are poised in anticipation on the edge of your seat waiting breathlessly for Part II of "Should Have Seen it Coming". Sorry.  Not going to happen.  Synopsis - Christmas came, dog died  bought a puppy, spent time with family Christmas was over.  End of story.

So.  Moving on.  It's been a very hectic 2011 so far.  Been meaming to write but can never seem to find the time.  However, due to the inevitability of STUFF happening just to annoy me, my computer crashed at work today so after about on hour of wandering around the office eating what candy I could beg, borrow or steal, waiting on my computer to be fixed or replaced with those small boxes they pass off as "loaner laptops', I found myself with some time on my hands.  Thus this post.  I can update my blog and still look like I am hard at work fighting the evils of the corporate world which i would be doing if I could only access my computer or even my Blackberry.  (For once, I actually remembered to plug in my BB last night so it is sitting safely at home all snug in it's charger)

Anyway, where was I?? Oh yeah, 2011.

Starting to get a bit nervous about my impending treatment for Hep C.  When I first signed up for this gruelling, but possibly unrewarding therapy, it was six months away.  Now we are down to 3 month.  Wow!  REALLY quick 3 months!!  The hardest part of the preparation (besides the no alcohol thing which happy hour  is almost considered a medical necessity for good mental health at my company) is the UNKNOWN FACTOR!!!!!  I have no idea how my body (and mind) are going to react to the treatment.  DOCTOR said that reactions for different people was like a "Bell Curve".  "Bell Curve".  Sounds like a kiddie ride at the amusement park doesn't it?  WRONG!!!
Yeah, I know.  I was surprised too!!!

Doctors "Bell Curve" means that  1.  I could feel fine and be able to go on pretty much like normal.  2. I could feel somewhat crappy but still pretty much function OK.  3 - Feel REALLY crappy and struggle to function in what passes as acceptable or 4. Be Totally wiped out and not be able to function at all to the point of being temporarily disabled during treatment.  Geez.  Wonder how many taxpayers' $'s were spent to come up with THAT study????  Course , I am not a doctor, and I would never presume to possess the vast knowledge that is floating around the Med Schools, but I am pretty sure I could have come up with those options on my own.  

Prognosis - You will either feel fine, feel crappy or feel somewhere in between fine and crappy.  REALLY glad I got that info.VERY useful for the preplanning stage!!!

Anyway, go see my ENT DOCTOR tomorrow to see if, as an extra little bonus, I need another sinus surgery before I start my treatment.
 (BACKGROUND UPDATE BULLETIN>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Have had 3 sinus surgeries= one staph infection last spring = heavy treatment of 6 weeks of levaquin = stressed liver = trip to MUSC = trans jugular liver biopsy, upper GI, lower GI, blood work, MRI = Upcoming treatment

Butterfly Effect.  What can ya do.

As my beloved mentor Rosanne Rosanna Danna once said,  It's Always Something"

Should Have Seen It Coming

 Well, I should have known that if I digressed from my original intent of this blog, the fates would find me.  After that cheery little Christmas Posting and the start of my children's book, karma found me.  Right after I decided that I was going to have a wonderful, stress free holiday for a change, disaster struck.  A little harder than usual.  Everything started to fall apart on December 17. 
Dec 17 was a Friday and the day we were to travel up to Charlotte, about a 4 hour trip, to spend the weekend with my family.  My daughter lives in Chicago, so months ago I booked her flight so she would get in early afternoon, we could start a little shopping for her and leave for Charlotte after work.  Well, I get a call that morning.  My daughter had overslept and MISSED HER FLIGHT.  Now remember, this is the weekend before Christmas and a very  busy time to fly.  8 hours and an additional $400 dollars later, I rebooked her flight but we were unable to leave for Charlotte until the next morning,  Oh course by the next morning it was raining buckets so the trip up was miserable.  The visit with the family was wonderful as always even though almost half the family couldn't make it this year. 
On the Sunday before Christmas, on our way home from Mothers, real disaster struck.  We were still about 30 minutes from home when I received a frantic hysterical phone call from the "roommate".  He had stayed home to baby sit the dogs.  My beloved Yorkie, Chloe Grace, was playing with the other dogs, ran into a chair, broke her neck, and died instantly.  We met RM at the Emergency Vet but Chloe was gone.  She had a degenerative disk in her neck so there was nothing we could have done to prevent it  I was, and still am, completely heartbroken.  She was only 4 years old and although we have 2 other dogs and more cats than we can count, she was the center of the household for humans and animals alike.  The other dogs spent the day after searching for her all over the house.  It was so sad. 
I am not through with my story just yet, but writing this has been hard so I am going to take a break.  Will pick the story up next time.  SPOILER ALERT......  It does have a somewhat happy ending but not before more karma attacks.  (Really should have been better as a teenager!!!)..

To be continued........................

Don't let "christmas" ruin your "Christmas".

That right. I said it.  Commercial christmas is ruining Christmas for many of us and we don't even know it.  I won't even say that I am not going to "fall into the trap" of a commercialized christmas.  It's not a trap.  It's a way of life!!
How many frantic days do you spend in December?  I found myself right in the middle of the chaos this weekend.  I HAD to get the house cleaned up.  I HAD to decorate.  I worried cause I got both my sisters two items but one sister's items cost more than the other sister's items so do I need to go buy one more thing to make the money even or do I stay with two items each so one doesn't get more than the other?  What about my great nieces.  I love them dearly and want to get them something cause they are the only children in the family but do I really need to get them one more toy that their mother will have to pick up?  (Course I will get them something cause children are the very best to buy for but it is totally for selfish reasons.  I want to!!) Anyway, I was NOT having fun.  All these tasks and decisions and money worries were stressing me out.  What happens is you spend all this stressful time preparing for a MOMENT just for the MOMENT to pass and then you feel let down cause it is over so quickly. So I decided to STOP.

I know this is not a new idea, but this year I am going to treat the holidays as it should be treated.  As is everything in life, Christmas is a journey, not a destination. 

This year I pledge NOT to frantically fight the crowds for "just the right gift" that people that I barely know don't need or even want. I WILL NOT be devastated if my house is not spit polish clean and decorated like a Macy's window.  I WILL NOT spend every waking minute worrying that I might be forgetting something or someone.  I WILL NOT go  into debt so I can spend half the year paying for half an hour of opening gifts that, as I said earlier, people probably don't want or need.  I WILL NOT spend half the day on the 25th in the kitchen slaving over the stove to make sure we have every food group known to man represented on the table just to spend the other half of the day cleaning up the mess. 

What I WILL do is buy that special item that I come across that I know a loved one would appreciate and cherish.  I WILL straighten up my house while listening to Christmas Carols and sipping Christmas Tea. I WILL put lights and ornaments on the Weeping Fig tree that lives in my living room.  I WILL spend what I can comfortably afford to give to the special people in my life that I care about.  I WILL spend Christmas Day in the kitchen with my daughter laughing and putting something together for Christmas dinner be it turkey, steaks, ham and eggs or sandwiches. 

See, I don't want to see Christmas as an EVENT. I want it to be a special celebration of Jesus birth that lives within our hearts and treating it as such will fill your soul with happiness and peace.  Christmas is a time to rejoice with family and friends and be thankful for what God has given us. 

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people.  Today, in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
Book of Luke


Merry Christmas to all!!!  May you all have a joyful, relaxing, and happy holiday. 

Note to self

Put money in your 401k.  You just can't depend on dying before you retire!!!

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Clause

 Course, I have no idea who Virginia is.  Just one of those saying from an old movie (I guess) that keeps on going on.  It really should say, Yes Leslie, There is a God. 

See, for the first time in a VERY long time, (longer than I can remember) I am thinking about the future. Not in a philisophical way.  I mean the REAL future.  The "what am I going to be doing in 10 years, how can I afford retirement" future.  See I have not been planning for any future cause on January 23, 1995, my future was taken away. 

It was on that date that I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C and told that they (the all knowing doctors) could not guarantee that I would survive ten years.  I was 37 years old with a nine year old son and a 6 year old daughter and didn't expect to live long enough to see one or both out of high school.  That was 16 years ago and here I am. Six years past my expiration date.  My son is now 27 years old and my daughter 24.  I lived to see them both graduate high school, go on to college, fall in love, fall out of love, move more times than I wanted to help them with, bury their father and grow into wonderful, loving, self sufficient (sort of) adults. 

I will go into more detail in later posts, but to explain my statement, I need to tell you that I will be starting treatment for my Hepatitis in May of 2011.  There is a 25% chance that the treatment will rid my body of the virus in which case I have the opportunity (God willing) to go on to live a long normal life if I don't do anything stupid like step out in front of a bus. (Which brings up the subject, why does everyone use this as the example of their unexpected demise.  Are there that many buses out there running down seemingly innocent people???)

Anyway,
That I may live past the next holiday or next season has not been in the front of my mind for years.  Not that I went around all gloom and doom like I had a sword over my head.  I just chose not to think about it.  I don't live life day to day but more like summer to summer ( I am very cold natured).

Now I have to plan.  Takes some getting used to. 

More later.

Holiday Shopping at Amazon.con

You can access Amazon directly from this site.  All Amazon has to offer is just a click away. 

Southern by the Grace of God

Hello world.  Sorry I have been neglectful.  Still working on the children's book. 
In the meantime, I have a short essay I wrote severall years ago that I would like to share.  Being an honest to God good ol Southern Girl, I came up with this trying to explain the phrase "Bless his/her heart".  Obviously I wandered.  Hope you enjoy.

Southern by the Grace of God

By Leslie Revels Andrews

I am sure you have all seen the bumper sticker, usually spotted in season on the back of a truck (gun rack optional) or on the occasional rusting El Camino, which states “American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God”.  Even though I personally would not choose to proclaim this to the world from the rear of my Buick, I do indeed feel blessed to have been born and raised a Southern Woman.

Although the stereotypical “Southern Belle” as seen through Scarlett O’Hara and Blanche DuBois is as mythical as the “Eat all the Ice Cream and Chocolate you want” diet, the real Southern Lady is alive and well.

As with all things, the face of this Lady has changed over the years.  No longer are hats and white gloves required attire.  Nor are we expected to blush at the slightest hint of a compliment.   When 5:30 rolls around, there is a good chance that the Southern Lady is not taking hot homemade biscuits out of the oven.  We are even allowed to leave the house when we are obviously “in the family way”.

No, things have changed here south of the Mason-Dixon.  Today, the Southern Lady works for a living.  At 5:30 you have a better chance finding the lady either making a quick stop at the grocery store or pulling through a fast food drive through than home making biscuits.  You see, we have to get the kids to soccer, ballet, gymnastics, or whatever by 6.00.

Yes things have changed.  Today the Southern Lady is busy.  She goes dancing, bowling, surfing and stir crazy.  She plays tennis, pool, poker and hard to get.  She washes the car, the dog, the dishes and men from her hair.  She fixes dinner, hurt knees, broken hearts and her single friends up on dates.

In so many ways, the Southern Lady of today is like so many millions of women throughout this country.

But, there are differences to being a woman born and raised in the South.

A true Southern woman, no matter what her occupation, income, marital status or age still likes to be a lady.  (Here, I need to add a qualifier.  As is true in all things there are exceptions.  Even in Scarlett’s day there was the occasional Belle Whatling).

In the South, it is not only acceptable for a gentleman to open the door for a lady, but expected. 

It is still an honor to be a Cheerleader.  It is still the custom to take a pie over to the new people next door, and of course a Southern Lady always, always sends Thank You notes.  In the South, the term Darlin’  is a generic form of address for everyone from the bag boy at “The Pig”, to a grandmotherly matron, to the clerk at the local liquor store. (Yes, the Southern Lady has been known to partake of spirits on occasion). I have found only one exception.  Highway Patrolmen frown on being called Darlin’.  Imagine that.

In essence the Southern Lady is kind, hardworking and realistic.  She may be a working mom, an Executive business woman or a stay at home lady of leisure and she may not be baking biscuits, but the Southern Lady knows how to cook up breakfast, light up a room and heat up the night.

And some people say the South lost?  I guess it depends on how you look at it.

Super Saturday

Hello again.
Still here.  Stayed in all day just vegging so avoided any catastrophe that may have been lurking outside.

Instead, I started a childrens storybook combining my digital art and my writing.  Here are the first four pages.  Hope you enjoy.  

To be continued........................

Hello World - Is there anybody out there?

Well, here it goes.  I have been thinking of what I would say in the event that I ever actually started a blog and I have had a quite interesting dialoque going on in my head all day of the content of this soon to be esteemed piece of literature. Now I got nothing.  So I am just going to jump in. 

I am female, 51, have two grown children (which by the way are the only kind to have), three dogs, 5 cats, a colony of 4 feral cats, a roommate I can't seem to get rid of, a convertable and a condo..  I write, paint, recently taken up photography both traditional and digitally enhanced. (The pink background above  is one of my pieces, cool huh?) work in the corporate world cause I like to eat more days than not and generally just live. 

(Why do I feel that this should be followed by "I am loyal, thrifty, brave, reverent, (can't spell) like long walks on the beach, love sunsets, flowers, butterflies, and my greatest wish is for world peace".)

Wow, this blog thing may be harder than I thought..  Anyway, the bottom line is this:  Things happen to me. 
Not thrilling, exciting, lifechanging, amazing things.  Little bizarre, annoying, not quite catestrophic things that don't really happen to everyone else.  At least all of them to one person.  This blog should accomplish one of two things. Either you will be entertained (who doesn't like the misery of others) or the strange and inconvienient (spelling again) willl stop which would be fine with me.  Either way, somebody wins. 

Of course there is the option that stuff (one of my favorite words btw) will keep happening to me, no one will care and I'll just be writing this to embarrass my kids. 

OK, that works too.